People need to chill the hell out. So here's the deal. My parents kept telling me that they would love me and accept me for who I am, right? Right. And we had this whole breakthrough conversation about how we all fucked up and they actually apologized to me for some really traumatic things in my past. They apologized! Which is something they had never done before. And I hadn't been the best myself, and I'd been trying to do better. Take the trash out, empty the dishwasher. do my goddamn chores without being asked and all that shit. And I'd been doing a lot better- now that they had apologized, my respect for them was starting to return, a lack of which had been essentially why I hadn't done chores consistently. Things were going better.
That is, for a little while. I still slack off, I'm not perfect. I'm still working on it. I mean, honestly, I'm holding on by a fucking thread here, and it sucks balls. So I still don't always do the best job.
And here's the thing. A few weeks ago, I got a tattoo. It's been in the works for a while, my first one, blah blah so exciting. And I WAS excited. I still am! I love it, even though I'll probably have to get it touched up.
Anyway, I had been hiding it from my parents because, you see, they HATE tattoos. They're of the LDS variety, and they look down on tattoos a whole lot. So you can see why I wouldn't share it with them.
Well lo and behold, they discovered it tonight. At least my mom had seen it, but now was the night we actually talked about it at all. My dad FLIPPED out. He insists that I did this for the sole reason of spiting them, because I knew they wouldn't like it. I tried to present my side and show them that this clearly wasn't the case, but they had none of it.
They (neither of them) can wrap their heads around the fact that my life doesn't revolve around them. Seriously? It doesn't. I am an adult who can make her decisions for herself. I don't specifically do things thinking, "Huh, I hope they'll get pissed off over this." But apparently, though I continue to protest this ridiculous idea, that is exactly what they think I do.
In their eyes, whenever I do something that upsets them, it's always specifically done for that purpose. I mean, of COURSE. right? I said, "Hey, I think I'll go permanently mark up my body for no reason other than to agitate my parents."
You caught me, guys. That's EXACTLY what I was thinking. Of COURSE this doesn't have any sentimental meaning for me. Of COURSE my world revolves around you. Oh, and of COURSE I'm an ungrateful twat for doing something with MY body that doesn't concern you in the slightest.
Why do you think I didn't come show it off to you if I was spiting you? "Hey mom and dad, look what I did!" No! I purposely didn't show it to you because I knew you wouldn't like it. I dunno, I thought I was being a little bit considerate.
And you know what it feels like? All those apologies, heart felt whatever shit, it feels like it never even happened. Who knows? Maybe it didn't. Maybe I imagined the whole fucking thing.